To learn to be more assertive, it helps to take a look at where you are right now. Answer the following questions honestly. You don't have to share your answers with anyone; this is a personal worksheet to help you understand yourself a little better. Place a number next to each item using this scale:
1=never; 2=occassionally; 3=sometimes; 4=usually and 5=always
___ 1. I ask others to do things without feeling guilty or anxious.
___ 2. When someone asks me to do something I don't want to do, I say no without feeling guilty or anxious.
___ 3. I confidently express my honest opinions to authority figures (such as family or boss).
___ 4. When I experience powerful feelings (anger, frustration, love, happiness), I can express them easily.
___ 5. When I express anger, I do so without blaming others for "making me mad".
___ 6. I am comfortable speaking up when I am in a group situation.
___ 7. If I disagree with the majority opinion in a meeting, I can "stick to my guns" without feeling uncomfortable or being annoying.
___ 8. When I make a mistake, I admit it.
___ 9. I tell others when their behavior creates a problem for me.
___ 10. Meeting new people is something I do with ease and comfort.
___ 11. When discussing my beliefs, I do so without labeling other people's opinions as "crazy," "stupid," "ridiculous," etc.
___ 12. I believe that most people are capable and can be trusted and I have no trouble delegating tasks to others.
___ 13. When thinking about doing something I have never done before, I feel confident that I can learn to do it.
___ 14. I believe my needs are just as important as the needs of others and I am entitled to have my needs satisfied.
___ TOTAL SCORE (sum of all 14 answers) WHAT YOUR SCORE MEANS
55 + : You are assertive most of the time and handle most situations well. You might benefit from a few new ideas to improve your skills and effectiveness.
40 to 55: You are fairly assertive. You could probably use some practice to be more consistent in your assertive behavior.
25 to 40: You can be assertive in some situations but your usual response is either non-assertive or aggressive. You might want to work on changing some attitudes and learning and practicing new assertive behaviors.
10 to 25: You have difficulty being assertive. Use the resources on this web site, practice new behaviors, get support and feedback, and allow yourself time to grow. You can become more comfortable in situations where asserting yourself is important.